


The Reason

by CocotteJenn



Series: Shaelyn Mahariel (aka the Angry Dalish worldstate) [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: (I know right! Such a nice setting for the start of a love story!), (in case you hadn't figured that one out), Deep Roads, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Grey Wardens, Ladies of Thedas Week 2018, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Mention of a broodmother, Romance, Self-Doubt, Vomiting, Warden Bethany Hawke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-23 23:37:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16169111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocotteJenn/pseuds/CocotteJenn
Summary: Bethany Hawke has a hard time adjusting to her new life as a Grey Warden. Mahariel tries to comfort her and ends up confessing her true feelings to the young mage.





	The Reason

The fight had been long and painful. They had fought waves after waves of darkspawn. Shrieks, for the most part. And then… That thing… That creature… _A broodmother_ , Nathaniel had called it. Bethany had fought ogres before, but that had been worse. The broodmother had been stronger. She had attacked them from all sides with her long tentacles coming out of the ground, and a seemingly endless army of darkspawn at her disposal. She had grabbed and killed two of her fellow grey wardens – good men who had travelled to Ferelden with her not too long ago – before the Warden-Commander managed to take that monster down.

Bethany braced herself against the intricate carvings on the wall of an ancient dwarven building. Not far away, she could hear Warden-Commander Mahariel barking orders at her men. Well, mostly at Oghren who was already passed out drunk in a corner, snoring like a bronto. They had set up camp in an old abandoned thaig for the night. Was it actually night, though? How could one tell time in those wretched caves?

“Are you alright, Bethany?” The Warden-Commander was now standing next to her, but her voice seemed to echo through the entire place. 

Bethany turned her bleached face towards her commanding officer and acquiesced a little too fast. She tried to put on a brave face, but she was almost as pale as that cursed day when she had caught the Blight in the Deep Roads. Anyone could see right through her non-existent mask.

“First broodmother, I take it?” Mahariel asked, concerned.

Bethany nodded again. “I've heard about them but I never thought it would be so… so…” She cringed, failing to describe the horror they had just witnessed.

The elf gave her a reassuring smile. “You know, none of us would think any less of you if you got sick.”

“I'll be fine.” She tried to smile back but images of the monstrous creature kept flashing into her mind.

“I know you will, but right now you're not and it's alright.” Mahariel put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I got sick the first time. The second time too. And even Nate lost his appetite for a week.”

“Does it happen that often?” Bethany asked, her eyes widening with shock.

“ _Mythal’enaste_! A lot of wardens spend their entire lives never encountering any. I think I just have piss poor luck.” She made an apologetic grimace. “Sorry about that.”

“What are those things anyway? Where do they come from?” Mahariel shuddered and Bethany immediately regretted asking. She had seen the darkspawn coming out of… of… Feeling sick, Bethany turned around to vomit on the ground. Mahariel gently massaged her back with one hand and tucked her hair away from her pallid face with the other.

“Trust me. You don't want to know where those things come from,” the Commander said, her voice cracking with pain, a shadow passing through her eyes. “Here,” she handed her a skin of fresh water. “Drink. It will make you feel better.”

“It's not one of Oghren’s, is it?”

Mahariel’s laugh echoed through the thaig and it was the most beautiful sound Bethany had heard in weeks. “By the Creators, no! I'm trying to make you feel better, not empty your stomach completely.”

Bethany brought the neck to her lips and drank the cool water. The liquid felt soothing against her sore throat. Closing her eyes, she savoured every drop of it like a dying man would his last drink. Her thirst now sated, she wiped her mouth on the back of her leather glove and gave the flask back to its owner.

“How do you do this?” she asked, still weak. “How can you fight those things every day and remain so strong?”

Mahariel snorted. “Oh, don’t let the perpetual scowl on my face fool you. I'm as freaked out as anyone else, believe me.”

“Back there, during the battle,” Bethany continued. “You made it look so easy.”

“I'm the Commander. I need to keep up appearances. People need to think I can lead them into battle and win the fight,” she explained.

“You do win every fight.”

“Only because I have good people at my side, strong dedicated fighters.” A warm smile appeared at the corner of her lips. “Like you,” she added, nudging the mage with her elbow.

Bethany let out a nervous sigh. “You make it sound like I’m some kind of heroic figure,” she mumbled, avoiding the woman’s gaze. “I’m not Andraste reborn. I could be easily replaced.”

The Commander’s smile vanished faster than an exploding fireball in the wind, a deep frown taking its place on her round face. Her tattoo accentuated her features, making her look almost frightening under the dim light of the thaig. She was incredibly beautiful, Bethany thought. “You don't really think that, do you?” she hissed. “No-one is easily replaceable, least of all you. You’re talented, and smart, and kind. There is strength in you, don’t doubt that.”

Bethany scowled. “There are other mages who-”

“But none of them are you, Bethany,” she interrupted her. Mahariel bore her strong confident gaze into her. “If you think you’re so unimportant, perhaps you should ask Alistair how many Wardens at Ostagar were so easily replaceable.”

Sadness washed over Mahariel’s face at the memory. Bethany had heard only pieces of what had happened at Ostagar. Her brothers had been there, but neither had wanted to talk about it. “It was a massacre,” her older brother had said when they had made it back to Lothering, and that had been the end of it. She had heard the tales of the Hero of Ferelden who had survived despite all the odds and ended the Blight before it had truly begun. But how much of it was true, she couldn't tell.

“Do you ever wish you could go back to the way things were before you became a grey warden?”

Mahariel’s face was unreadable. Bethany thought she recognized sorrow in her eyes, mixed with something that looked like bitterness. She had heard the story from Merrill once. She knew her Commander had never wanted to join the wardens, that she had caught the Blight and been conscripted against her wishes. A tragedy both women shared. But whether she regretted it or not, Bethany couldn't tell.

“Sometimes,” she sighed. “I miss my clan more than you can imagine. And yes, sometimes, I want to leave the wardens and go back to them, to my family.” She whipped her face up to look Bethany in the eyes. “But I know things wouldn't be the same. You don't just quit the Grey Wardens once you've undergone the Joining. If you try to run, it will catch up to you, eventually.”

That was what Anders had told her brother when they had met. Bethany had not understood the extent of the Grey Wardens’ sacrifice until she had been conscripted into the order. Stroud had explained everything to her in more details. The Joining hadn’t cured her. It had merely delayed the inevitable. The corruption was still spreading through her blood until one day, she would hear the Calling and go back into the Deep Roads to die. If she survived that long.

“Bethany,” Mahariel sighed. “I know that all you ever wanted was a normal life and that becoming a grey warden completely shattered that dream, and it isn't fair. You deserve better than spending half of your days trapped down here. You deserve to be out in the sun, dancing and singing with a smile on your face - I bet you have the most beautiful smile in the world.” Her words made Bethany’s heart flutter. “I know how angry you must feel about all this. I’m angry too. I’m afraid that’s a feeling that never really goes away, but you have to make peace with it or it will consume you. And I also believe that the Creators - or your Maker, whatever you believe in - brought you here for a reason.”

“If this is the Maker’s will, He has a twisted sense of humour.”

Mahariel chuckled. “Can’t argue with you on that one.”

Maybe she was right, maybe Bethany could find a purpose in all that. The Grey Wardens were heroes, they fought for a noble cause. She could at least find solace in knowing that she was part of something greater, that she was protecting innocent people from the horrors she witnessed every day. Oh, how she wished Carver were here. He would have loved it, she was sure of that. He was the one fit for this kind of life, not her. If only the Blight hadn’t taken him.

“You’re an amazing woman, Bethany.” Mahariel carried on. “Never let anyone tell you otherwise. And maybe it's selfish of me to think that, but I like having you around. You say I make everything look easy, but truth be told having you here with me makes the burden a lot lighter. You're important to me. I don't want to lose you.”

It took Bethany a few seconds before Mahariel’s revelation sank in. “I… Oh!” Silence fell between the two women, made even more awkward by the puddle of vomit spreading at their feet. _Does she really mean-?_

Mahariel’s face became so red her crimson vallaslin seemed almost invisible. “Anyway, you should get some rest while you can. We'll be heading back to the surface in a couple of hours.”

She turned her back on Bethany, either in an attempt to hide her blushing face or because she was looking for a quick escape. Bethany decided to stop her before she could run and grabbed the elf’s arm in a gentle grip. “I… thank you, Commander. I… appreciate your company.” Warmth returned to her face, giving it a colour that matched Mahariel’s blush. She took a deep breath and continued, “Maybe we could dine together someday, just the two of us. I would very much like to try some of your Dalish delicacies.”

Mahariel seemed to relax a little at Bethany’s own confession. The corners of her lips started to curl up in a smile. “Yes, I’d really like that. And you can call me Lyn if we’re going to be enjoying each other’s company.” The Commander – _Lyn’s_ smile was breathtaking. Her markings brought out its beauty, with sharp lines pointing in its direction, making it shine like a beacon. She brushed a finger against Bethany’s rosy cheeks, warmed by her friend’s tenderness. “Looks like you're feeling better already.” For the first time in ages, the young mage found herself smiling back. Not a shy or polite smile like she had so often humoured people with, but a real one, with teeth showing and eyes lightening up with infinite joy. “See! I knew you had a beautiful smile.”

“Not as beautiful as yours, I can assure you.”

“You flatter me.”

Feeling daring, Bethany took the elven woman’s hands in hers and searched for comfort in her lovely eyes. They were the colour of freshly cut grass. If she stared long enough, Bethany could almost see Lothering and the vast verdant fields that had been around the old family farm, when the sun would shine over them after the rains of spring. Yet another thing the Blight had taken from her. But maybe, just maybe, this time it could give her something in return. Maybe she could find some small shards of happiness, a flicker of light amidst all this darkness.

Lyn gave her hands a gentle squeeze. “Can I make you a promise?” Bethany nodded, her eyes never straying from those green lights. “I promise you that from this day forth, I will do everything I can to find a cure for the Blight. For you. For us. For any grey warden who wants to start a normal life one day.”

Water found a path to her eyes, blurring her vision. “Thank you, Com- Lyn.” Bethany pulled her into a sudden, impulsive hug. She had never hugged anyone who wasn’t family before. It felt different. It felt warmer, with a tingling sensation coursing through her entire body. Lyn tensed in surprised for a brief second before she wrapped her steady arms around Bethany’s shoulders. They lingered in each other’s embrace. Just a little too long for two people to be simple friends.

“You really should get some sleep now. It's a long trek to the surface and I want everyone at their best,” Lyn told her in a slow murmur that made poor Bethany’s heart skip a beat.

Mahariel pulled back slightly and guided Bethany’s hands to her lips to plant delicate kisses on each of them. The soft touch tickled and Bethany let an involuntary chuckle escape her lips. But when her Commander looked up toward her with a provocative smile… _Sweet Maker!_ She felt her entire body shiver with a kind of excitement she had never known before. She could not wait to get out of the Deep Roads to spend more time alone with her. 

“Good night, Little Bird.” Lyn winked at her as she started walking away.

“Oh, Maker!” How was she supposed to get any sleep after that!


End file.
